Parenting on Purpose
Parenting on Purpose It was with great delight that I read an article found in the Ladies Home Journal, dated July 1996. The title of the article is “Why Are Today’s Parents Such Wimps?” by Leslie Bennett. What a profound question. The article, written with keen insight and humour, presents only too true scenarios of frustrated parents and out-of-control children. Her premise is that all too often, children are running the home, rather than parents taking their proper place of prominence. She offers several reasons for this national phenomenon and some insightful solutions. They are worth noting.
First, parents, today are under unique pressures. Parents are torn apart by the various demands of family and work responsibilities and are often filled with guilt. Finding the time for childrearing is ever more challenging. The parents, because of the guilt they feel, are often unwilling to discipline their children for fear the children will resent or even hate them
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Parenting on Purpose. The parents, because of the guilt they feel, are often unwilling to discipline their children for fear the children will resent or even hate them. They will therefore placate the child for the sake of peace and quiet. Further, many baby boomers, raised in the “Me” generation, have learned permissiveness and passivity, as a response to the rebellion against previous generations. Unfortunately, this passivity and permissiveness has created insecurity in parents, to the place where the action is absent when required for the proper care of children. In rejecting the parenting models of previous generations (some of which were not healthy, and deserved rejection!) where parents were authoritarian and ruled as benevolent (hopefully) dictators, parents of today have limited experience in parenting with effectiveness, seemingly lost as to what to do when Johnny says “NO!” Adding insult to injury, parents are depicted in the media as the brunt of adolescent jokes, having no clue as to what their children are doing or how to manage their impulsive and self-absorbed behaviour. Setting limits on children’s behaviour has become a lost art form. Setting limits is one of the most important parenting tasks.
The author suggests (based upon Love & Limits by Crary) five major limits for healthy child-rearing. They are: avoid problems when possible, by controlling the environment in advance of a potential problem, rewarding cooperation, acknowledging feelings, setting limits, and teaching new skills. Further, Gosman's Spoiled Rotten: Today’s Children and How to Change Them (Villard, 1992) provides different insights, including communicating love, following through with reasonable consequences, modelling self-esteem, devoting lots of time to the child, and remembering that the child who has everything appreciates nothing. Very good advice for today’s forlorned parents.
Indeed, parenting in the modern world of today is an increasingly difficult task. Even within the church parents experience difficulty in knowing what is right to do in disciplining a child, and who to listen to for advice. The proliferation of experts on what should be a fairly delightful process (parenting) has not provided greater clarity but has helped to muddy the waters.
A Biblical Perspective
Before beginning to study so vital a subject as parenting, it is important to review the writer’s perspective and purpose. Everyone has a bias that must be taken into account to fully understand his or her viewpoint. It is my hope that many will share or at least withhold judgment on my perspective until a thorough reading of this book is completed.
This book is now also available as an ebook from Smashwords Parenting On Purpose - Ebook version
In this way desiring to declare more fully to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, God interposed by an oath, so that by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us, which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters into that within the veil, where the Forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. (Heb 6:17-20)